i am this week already 15 weeks pregnant, and to be honest , after 4.5 years trying and dreaming, these 4 months have been nothing that i had planned! I thought i would be on this enormous high and do all sorts of planning and announcing! Nothing of the sort! Firstly, Let start with the whole story!
I had for the first time ever .. lost hope in falling pregnant, I went to see a very renowned gyno in amsterdam for a 2nd opinion, and after waiting 3 months for an appointment, went to go and see him and he was the sweetest man , old chinese, and i was having the hardest time understanding him haha, If i think back now , it was very comical!. I had been trying with the private donor for 6 months and was starting to loose hope as it was again not happening. ( lets not forget the 6x KID and 6x IUI before this ) He checked me out and gave me a complete clean bill of health, but just said some really wise words to me. He told me to take my private donor , and go and do IVF , stop wasting time, it would be a fool proof formula according to him.
I approached the donor and he was willing to attempt IVF with me , a godsend! I told him that we should stop with monthly insemination and go ahead with IVF, but he said, no lets keep trying until its our turn at the hospital, with can still take up to 3 months. I reluctantly agreed not seeing the point, and did an insemination the next month , but didnt think anything more of it. I went to my hospital appointment and was accepted into a private IVF clinic with the donor.
The starting of the IVF process was actually in full swing , when i received a sms from my lovely friend asking me if i had got my period yet.. I had completely forgotten, and no it had not started yet, but i still gave it no thought, until 5 days later, when i still hadnt started , and although i was feeling like my period was in full swing, it wasnt! That was a friday evening, and i had decided that if the show hadnt started by morning, i would eventually test, i didnt want to repeat the experience of the past when i tested , got a neg and then 1 hour later my period started! , that was my body saying to me, nah nah you just blew another 26 euros on a test for nothing!
The next morning, i felt bad , but still nothing , but i didnt actually have an expensive test anymore, stop spending fortunes on Clear blue. I had a very simple test that i have received from Daan. Very simple, but i did it . I couldnt look, so i walked away and cleaned the kitty litter box ( the only thing your NOT supposed to do when pregnant ! ) Walked back and there was a faint second line!!! , i couldnt believe it , and blamed it on the cheapness of the test, this couldnt be happening , i needed clear blue, something that said, you are pregnant .. or not ofcourse! it was 7.30 am and there wasnt a store open... that was the longest hour of my life.. i watched tellsell tv and talked to the cats and eventually at 8.30, thinking the store would open at 9, left in my car , and took a slow long route to the store .. only to find it opened at 8 already! hahaha. I wonder how many other woman they have that turn up first thing and buy pregnancy tests and pregnancy vitimens ( just in case ) ..
I flew home and did the test again! and yes sir..
A friend of mine had a miscarriage and i asked her at the time , wasnt that the hardest thing that ever happened to you? trying for so long and then loosing the baby? and she said, yes and no, yes it was a great dissapointment , but i was also just happy to have fallen pregnant, knowing that i now could and it was going to be ok . For the first time i could really understand what she meant by that , because after 4 years , i had lost hope and started to think that i couldnt have a baby, and now , holding that positive test, that all washed away, and i knew that it was possible.
But very soon after that, maybe a few days.. things started to change.. hahaha , i was still working fulltime and one nightshift , after dinner, i suddenly felt very sick, went to the bathroom and was sick, very sick, about every hour for 4 hours until there just wasnt anything left to get sick about, yet i was still wrenching . I told my boss i felt like death and that i had food poisoning, i needed to go home, it was 2 am. Not sure how to get home, i waited untill i was sick again and then straight home , just making it home before i started again!, i was exhausted. And that was the start of downhill really, for nearly 2.5 months i was sick to the bone, throwing up 2 out of 3 meals day, thankfully the only good thing was i lost 10 kilos! I couldnt work anymore, saw the dr every 2-3 days for 10 days straight because they where scared i might be dehydrating. One funny moment was i was lying on his examination table and he was check to see if i was dehydrating, and i said to him, i really just feel like shit right now. he looked at me at said : Yeah well im not going to lie to you, you look it ! . hahaha he is an american and i can normally have a good laugh with him.
So now , 15 weeks along, im feeling TONS better, im eating, my stomach is growing , drinking loads, and starting to function again . Tomorrow I have a meeting with work to see when and where i can start again. I am feeling something in my stomach, ofcourse not the baby kicking or anything, but it feels tender at times, like i have a giant pulled muscle at times! Its almost time for new jeans, mine arent comfortable anymore...
SO that was my pregnancy story! Ill be updating more and more now and id like to change the theme of the blog a little as time goes by, so keep tuned!
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